her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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