I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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