I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
