seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
