i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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