It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
