dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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