my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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