I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
