god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
