My hand turned me down
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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