Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
