I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
