yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
