I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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