whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
