We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
