i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
