I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She said her name was "party"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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