'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
