i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
