dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
