I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You need Xanax blowdarts
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
