I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
