Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
the raccoons are back...
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