You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
