We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
