yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
