i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
