Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
