I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
