This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
