I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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