If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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