shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I am spending my child support on dildos
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
