i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
foreskin is a definite game changer
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
