i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
