she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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