The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
