just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
