epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
