No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
