We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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