please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
