She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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