I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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