singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
