can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
