did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
