I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
