its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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