I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
