I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
