haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What a dumb baby whore.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
