I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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