Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
