im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
