im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
