Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
